Love & Math


A recent facebook post by a virtual family member laughing at a post on SL secrets had me pondering about my own Second Life, and all those secrets and skeletons in my own closet. Luckily, I’m not famous – even in SL – so no one will really care what I did or with whom. Perusing that slander site, I couldn’t help but think of how easy it is to cheat, lie, and be duplicitous in our virtual world, so in an effort of transparency, wanted to talk a little about probably my own greatest weakness.

It probably isn’t one, but I’ll talk about it anyway.

If you asked any of my friends what my biggest problem is, a few of them would probably admit that I’m one of those romantaholics in Second Life, meandering from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship (and some not so monogamous) … but it’s not entirely the complete truth.

I know my first few months in SL won’t be helpful with my defense: The year Phan started, I had two husbands, and 4 boyfriends (not counting the lovers). While it was a busy 13 or 14 months, I stuck with the last boyfriend (he refused to marry) for a whole year afterwards. At the end of my second year in Second Life, I dumped him and Second Life all in the same day, and swore never to log on again.

See? I am capable of long-term commitment and decisiveness.

There were a few exceptions, but I never logged in again …

… until Thanksgiving week of 2011. There was this SL roleplay experience I was interested in, so I logged in and promptly joined – an awesome experience that lasted about a year and half, during which time, I had no boyfriends, no lovers, and absolutely no husbands. See? Restraint. No problems here. Move along to exhibit C.

As the roleplay began to dwindle, I did start dating again. I had one quick dating relationship (we were never boyfriends), a really weird relationship with a guy that logged on once a month, followed by a really bad boyfriend thingee (lesson learned: don’t date your boss). As a rebound, I started dating a couple of friends at the same time in my first throuple – which imploded in less than two months.

Little blip on the timeline of one-on-one love. Keep moving.

In 2015, I had exactly three boyfriends – two that I married. Two. In one year. One lasted six months. See?  We’re seeing a pattern of stability here.

Well, until he technically dumped me for a theme-park, so I finalized it for him. The second dumped me for a RL thing, and I had a kinda-sorta relationship with our friend afterwards, resulting in a kinda-sorta marriage early in 2016 (didn’t last long).


Yeah, that looks bad … BUT … keep reading.

Tired of the successive relationships, my heart and I took a month off and dated about 4 guys at once [managing to hurt only one in the process … (I said I’m SORRY!!!!)] before settling with the guy I’m with now, albeit in a very unconventional relationship. That’s been going strong now for a couple of months, and Phan is finally a very, very happy man.

See? A little noise, then happily ever after!

Ok, so let’s count.

Second Life, round one: 2 husbands, 4 boyfriends, two years.

Second Life, round two (only since 2014): 4 husbands (all quick affairs), 8 boyfriends (again, not counting any of the lovers or one-nighters), not double-counting anyone that was more than one of these.

So, yeah …. When you apply mathematics to my second life, I’ve been married six times in nine years, with additional 12 boyfriends, all concentrated in 2 two-and-a-half year periods where I decided to do the dating thing. Quite embarrassing, but I doubt anyone else on here would dare be so honest about their Second Life Dating & Loving.

So, yes, Mother, I have a problem … BUT, Elizabeth Taylor still beats me with one hand behind her back, and – bless her heart – she was only stopped by death. Through it all, I hoped each of the nineteen would the final – “The One” that would last until the Lindens cast us all out with pixel dust, so I can still claim sanity and have some reasonable expectation of happiness.

I know in my heart that this guy is it; although, quite aware of my history, he’s probably not entirely convinced.


3 thoughts on “Love & Math

  1. Well, to be honest I had a few affairs but were only married two times in SL. The first time for 9 years and 1 month (YES really NINE YEARS AND ONE MONTH), the second time after a pause of about 6 weeks is ongoing. Between this two I thought I never marry again in Second Life and had some nice short time affairs again. But now I found my second real love I dont want anyone else. She is my everything and SL without her is so boring. I hope we will have a good time together – a very very long time because I really love her. I think when it ends I’m done with Second Life. It seems we have something in common Phan! Keep good writing. I liked to read your blog. Oh and good luck with your actual love!


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