(NSFW) Top 10 Ways To Know if your Fave SL Porn Photog Used to be a Fashion Blogger

toptenways

Yeah, I know … it’s one of those things that keeps me up at night.  Those bored, retired blogging fashionistas of yore, now missing the high of a viewing stats spike after a fresh post, are making up for it by seeking new venues for attention, fame and glory.

“But Phan,” you might ask, “Where do I find them?” Most of them being natural social butterflies, you might find some flittering around the lastest, hottest DJ, or content creator; hosting parties *coughs*; or ,,, yes … featuring themselves in notorious NSFW photos with some of the most scandalous porn personalities known to Second Life.

“But why do I care where Timmy hangs his trousers?” you ask again. Well, for those of you who like porn … you like real porn. Nitty, gritty, sweaty … well, you get the picture. Interspersed on your Flickr feed or other blogs, though, are those photos that have naked people, sometimes in sexual positions … that don’t quite turn you on. In fact, you can’t imagine them turning anyone on.

So, today’s lesson is a guide to help YOU sort the naked photos from fashion expats from your true porn celebs, so you can enjoy the hot and nasty without the unnecessary distractions.

Here are the top 10 ways you can tell if your favorite SL porn photographer used to be a fashion blogger:

10. Everyone in the photo has perma-frown, even with a dick in their mouth.

9. The gap between their legs is so wide you can see anal from the front.

8. Everyone in the picture is slightly to the side so that you can appreciate the 5k linden they dropped on the shabby chic background.

7. While there’s no need for sexual innuendo, at least one of the models will be licking ice cream, sucking on a lollipop, or blowing bubble gum while their insides are being rearranged.

6. Instead of being focused on the act itself, the bottom girl or boy will be staring directly at the fourth wall with “pouty face.”

5. The porn blog itself will have a mood music plug-in, featuring eastern European EDM music.

4. The title will be some gothic, melancholic phrase like … “He Saves Me With Chains.”

3. Instead of fleshy, deep sensual colors, the final processed photo will either be in bright pastels or sepia tone.

2. It will include the occasional consumer reports article about the quality of the latest in mesh genitalia.

And … the Number ONE way you can tell if your porn photographer used to be a fashion blogger:

1. They will annotate the four phases of their sexual response in the credits below.

In His Eyes

In His Eyes

I saw your browns today
In his eyes.
I saw you laugh today
In his smile.
I heard the sweetest words you used to say
Trickle from his lips that way.

I felt your strength today
In his embrace.
I saw your love today
Right from his face.
I closed my eyes and felt your kiss
And suddenly I felt your bliss.

He doesn’t know, that sometimes my heart is crying.
He doesn’t know, that he can’t replace what’s dying.
I know someday I’ll put away this dream that won’t stop livin’.
It’s not okay.
It’s not okay.

But, I’ll feel your heat tonight
In his arms
You’ll make love that way
Through his heart
You’ll take me down and show me how
My body trembles in your power.

And I know, that our time is past and gone away
You must know, that I die inside feeling this way
But I’ve put away your pictures; can’t think what else to hide.
But I’ll feel your love
In his arms,
One more time.

An homage to sad country love songs.